Please forward this to ONE friend today and tell them to subscribe here.Understanding body language is an important part of initiating small talk. And there are quite a number of cues that say “I’m open to chatting.”
Signs someone wants to talk
As in most cultures, the following indicates an interest and an opening to start a conversation:
If the person’s facing towards you
Their shoulders are relaxed
They’re smiling occasionally
Another cue is if someone makes brief eye contact with you, looks away, then glances back at you again. That’s often a sign they’re open to chatting. I personally like to nod or smile at the individual in these scenarios, if they respond, I then initiate the conversation.
Lastly, the person doesn’t have headphones on. They’re also not typing intensely either on their phone or on whatever device they’re using. If those conditions are there too, that also indicates that they’re probably open to conversation.
Signs someone wants to be left alone
The biggest sign is in the form of short answers with no follow-up questions. If they say “Yeah, fine” and they don’t ask any follow-up questions, that’s an indication that the person is maybe too busy to talk and that it might be best to back away.
On the other hand, if doing so is something that’s normal in your culture and you do so when people start conversations with you in Canada, you might be unintentionally signalling that you aren’t open to conversation as well.
Other indications that a person wants to be left alone:
Their body’s turned away from you.
They’re looking at their phone or computer, probably a little too busy for you. You might be able to interrupt them, but if they still seem to be focusing on those other devices, then that probably indicates that they’re a bit too busy to talk.
If you’re in transit, and you notice the person has headphones on, or they’ve got a book open, or their eyes are closed, those are all indicators that they probably don’t want to have a conversation.
Understanding the concept of personal space in Canada
Think of personal space as something like an invisible bubble.
Generally speaking, when it comes to personal space in Canada, the typical distance is about an arm’s length, roughly about a meter or so in length, maybe 60 to 90 centimeters in most conversations.
Unless the person happens to have a very close relationship with you, getting closer than that might feel a bit aggressive or make the other person feel uncomfortable. If you’re too close, it can feel aggressive. But if you stand too far away from that, it can feel cold.
I know. It’s just what it is.
If you’re not sure, it’s always good to just see what others are doing. And not just one single person, but monitor what multiple people are doing and gauge a sense of the right distance from them as well.
Now, if you’re in the transit and it’s crowded, the rules relax a bit. People know you have to get a little bit closer to each other simply because of the conditions. But people still avoid touching if at all possible, even under those crowded conditions.
Rules for eye contact
You may have heard multiple times how important eye contact is as a way of showing respect or interest in the other person, but it’s not necessarily as intense as you might think.
Brief, friendly eye contact shows interest. You can go in and out of eye contact when you’re speaking with someone. But if you’re staring for a long time, that can feel uncomfortable and make the person feel like you have some kind of overly intense fascination with them.
That can seem aggressive in some places. In workplaces, steady but soft eye contact during greetings and when you’re making key points is expected.
To get an exact sense of how much eye contact people are comfortable with, this is where observing others comes into play. And again, observing multiple people rather than just one person, so you can get an overall idea of what most people are comfortable with.
Some questions to noodle on that help you practice all you’ve learned
Q1. How do I practice observing “multiple people” for body language cues without appearing to be staring at everyone or making others uncomfortable?
Q2. If my culture values longer, more sustained eye contact as a sign of respect, how do I retrain myself to do the brief Canadian style without feeling like I’m being disrespectful?
Q3. What should I do if someone violates my personal space and gets too close? How do I create distance without being rude?
