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In this episode, I’m speaking with Nisrine Maktabi, a trauma-informed coach and registered psychotherapist with over a decade of experience supporting newcomers, international students, and multicultural professionals in Canada and globally.
Nisrine usually works with newcomers and second-generation immigrants, helping them work through something most immigrants don’t recognize as trauma: people-pleasing.
Surprised? I was too. She says people-pleasing isn’t about being nice or accommodating. It’s a survival response called “fawning”—your nervous system’s way of keeping you safe by making others happy. For children of immigrants especially, people-pleasing becomes how they survive in families where belonging feels conditional.
Conditional on you operating within the rigid rules about behavior, identity, and cultural adherence.
Nisrine and I chat about why your nervous system adapts to keep you safe. We also explore:
The coconut effect and why strict parenting backfires
Canada’s systemic barriers for highly educated newcomers
Why discrimination triggers old wounds, and how to process them
How to connect your children to their roots without imprisoning them
Dozie’s Notes
A few things that stuck with me as I listened through this week’s conversation:
Identity can imprison you or liberate you. You can use the concept of identity to stay rigidly attached to one culture, one way of being. Or you can embrace being Nigerian and Canadian, Lebanese and Canadian, both and neither. The prison is thinking you have to choose.
There’s no life without wounds. Trying to raise children without any pain is impossible. Wounds are part of being human. The goal is to accept the mistakes, repair when you mess up, to apologize, to let your children know they’re loved even when they fail.
Resentment builds when you perform to belong. Many children of immigrants spend years being someone they’re not to keep their parents happy. That creates deep resentment, not because they don’t love their parents, but because conditional belonging feels like conditional love.
Official Links
✅ Connect with Nisrine Maktabi on LinkedIn
✅ Connect with Nisrine Maktabi on Instagram
✅ Check out her website and join one of her webinars
One Ask
If you found this story helpful, please forward or share it to one immigrant out there.
