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I used to think it was best to wait.

In India, it is not customary to ask someone you only know slightly to spare some of their time. You won't message a higher-up simply because you've heard good things about the way they work, and you don't ask a stranger for advice either. Doing so would put them in an awkward situation and might give the impression that you want something before you have a right to ask.

That's why you quickly learn to respect other people's time and personal space by not intruding on it. And so I brought that belief with me to Canada. I thought being respectful meant waiting for others to reach out first.

That’s until I started networking while job hunting. At first, I felt hesitant and worried that every message I wrote might be intrusive, so it took me a while to actually send one.

I was surprised by how friendly people were. Most were willing to talk when I reached out. Some were warm, some were busy, but almost no one saw my message as a bother.

It took time to build real connections, and I’m still working on it. Some coffee meetings turned into more than I expected. A few people even referred me to jobs at their companies. Some have become friends, and I keep learning from them. Now, I try to help others in the same way.

In Canada, people usually trust you from the start because they expect to be contacted. Most have sent similar messages themselves. Reaching out is how networks and communities are built here, and many people genuinely like being asked for help.

The hardest part to understand was this: if you don’t take the initiative, people won’t see it as respectful. Instead, they might think you’re not interested. Both sides are being polite, but nothing happens. Two people who wanted to connect end up missing each other because of politeness.

Now most immigrants I meet are well qualified, with advanced degrees, lots of experience, and the right skills. So it’s definitely not a lack of ability that holds us back.

Many of us believe that reaching out is intrusive, and that we should only do it if we have a strong reason or an existing relationship. This belief made sense where we came from, but it doesn’t apply here.

My main advice is to be clear about what you want. If your message is vague, it’s harder for the other person to respond because they have to guess what you need. Here’s an example.

The second message is easier to say yes to because the person knows who you are, why you chose them, and how much time you’re asking for.

A clear message should have three things: say who you are in one sentence, explain why you’re reaching out to this person, and say what you’re asking for and how long it will take. It’s better to leave out phrases like 'sorry to bother you.' Many of us, including me, start with an apology, but it makes it seem like we think we’re intruding. A friendly, direct message feels both confident and respectful.

Here is how it might look in real situations.

Following a workshop or an event, you might write to one of the people you spoke to, saying, "I enjoyed the question you asked during the session. Could I get a bit more information about your work in HR?"

On LinkedIn, when addressing someone whose career you admire, you could say: "I've noticed that you've moved from finance to operations; I'm currently considering making a similar change. Would you be willing to have a 15-minute call?"

To someone on another team at work, you could say, “I'm curious how your team uses data. Could we meet for coffee sometime this month?”

All of these examples are normal and not intrusive.

You can also reach out to appreciate people too

You don’t have to ask for something in every message. If you like someone, let them know. If a speaker says something that sticks with you, send them a message. If you enjoy someone’s post, tell them.

Just expressing appreciation is enough, and it’s the simplest kind of message to send. It also helps you build a connection that might grow over time.

You can approach people, ask for fifteen minutes, clearly say what you want, and thank someone you’ve never met.

You’re not bothering anyone. You’re giving them a chance to help, and most people are happy to do that. Some people might not reply, but that doesn’t say anything about your worth. Just send the next message.

It’s still the hardest part for me, but I keep doing it anyway.