Transcript 0:00 Do you ever think about how normal things can overwhelm you? You know, things you took for granted. Like for me, it was buying cough syrup. Yeah, cough syrup. 0:11 Like, I landed and I got a cold, and then I went with a friend to Walmart, Oka. Uh, we went, we went to Walmart to buy cough syrup. [chuckles] We walk into Walmart, walk into the store, and they're like probably like... 0:29 What did I see? I, I think there were like about 10 or 15 different types of Benylin that were on display there that day. You know, and it's same with Sahar. Like, for her it was milk. Like, of all things, milk. 0:40 Like, you know, milk is just something that you would, back in your home country, you would just get up, walk into the store, pick up, or in Nigeria, pick a tin and then go home. 0:50 But then you walk into the store here and you have like different types, 3.25%, there's 0.75%, there's 2.5%, there's chocolate flavor, lemon flavor, all sorts of flavor. Like, [chuckles] it is overwhelming, you know? 1:05 And it was interesting to hear that from her because it was something I tend to, I overlooked, but that's the truth. Like, if you ask me, "How are you doing?" I'm like, "I'm fine." 1:13 But yeah, there are a ton of things that happen to you as an immigrant who's trying to settle into a new country that are like bloody overwhelming. And to someone else, they're like normal. 1:23 They're like everyday things, decisions or calls that they make without thinking twice about it. You never feel you're immigrant until you go to the supermarket [chuckles] 1:33 and look at all the like milk brands or yogurt brands, something very normal, [chuckles] and you have no idea what you should buy. Like in back home, you go and just grab, like you don't even think. 1:48 But [chuckles] here, like I remember I was in supermarket and I called my friend like, "Hey, [chuckles] what, like what do you buy? Which one?" 1:58 [chuckles] Like, "What is closer to the one like back-- we had back home or which one is more... Like what, what is it?" [chuckles] Like there are a million types of milk here. 2:07 [chuckles] Like I never felt like I'm immigrant. Like the first time like truly hits me, it was like in front of the dairy section in a supermarket. 2:16 [chuckles] And so in this episode, we, we talk about the, the feel of, the feel of overwhelm, um, the importance of a community, you know, the trade-offs she has to make by moving down here. 2:27 For example, like when I asked her about parenting, the first thing she said was, "Because I don't have the grandparents around to help me with raising the kids." 2:35 You know, and those are all trade-offs you make as an immigrant, you know. And we talk about her biggest culture shock. I hope you enjoy this epis-episode as much as I enjoyed talking to her. Hi, everyone. 2:45 Welcome back to the Newcomers Podcast. Um, today I have with me Sahar Rahmani, who's been in Canada for a while. Um, welcome to the show. How's it going with you today? Hey, Dozie. Hey, everyone. 2:58 Thanks for having me here. I'm good. It's a sunny day in Toronto, so it's nice. [chuckles] Oh. Yeah, it's, it's sunny here in Calgary too, but, um, we have this warning of smoke and so. Yeah. Mm. Sorry to hear that. 3:12 I mean, we have all these wildfires and stuff. [chuckles] You know, I went out yesterday and I could taste the smoke and I was-- Someone said to me, "Can you taste the smoke?" I'm like, "Yeah." 3:22 Like you can feel it in your tongue. Um, but it's, it's, I guess it's part of... Yeah, yeah, it's part of living in Canada. But let's get straight into this one, why we're here. 3:35 Um, you've been here for 11 years now, right? Yeah. Yes, 11 years. And in total you said 12 years out of Iran. Yes. Yeah. [sighs] You know, 3:47 how does it feel like when you think about where you are right now, when you think about home, like what does home mean to you right now? Is it st- is it still something that is so clear or like is home now like here? 4:02 Is home here for you? Um, [tsks] oh, that's a hard question. Uh, well, it's been 12 years. Like I've been there a few years, few times, not all... And last time I was home, maybe it was seven years ago. 4:18 So for me, home is like, now is like, um, 4:22 you know, you have a childhood home, you grow up, you loved, you played, and then like when your family moves to a new home, like [chuckles] it's, like it's just like some memory that you always love and like you sometimes want to go to the neighborhood because it's just like you've been, you love that neighborhood, but when you go, it's a completely new place. 4:43 For me, it's like that now. And then like 11 years, like Canada is my home now. [chuckles] Like I have my friends, my family, my kids. Like I, like, like yeah, like it's, it's a home actually [chuckles] at this point. 4:58 Now, staying on that thing about memories. Now do you-- Uh, is there any point or do you ever feel like you look at your kids and you want them to kind of experience some of the things you experienced as a kid back home? 5:10 Or you're like, "Oh yeah, I'm fine. Like they're here in Canada." [chuckles] No, they enjoy Canada, and I'm happy I'm here. The biggest thing I have feel like back home I had and my kids don't have is a family. 5:23 Like I grew up in a big family, lots of cousins, my sisters, like always spend night in my grandma's home, stuff like that. Uh, and then like here, my kids don't have that. 5:35 [chuckles] Like my kids cannot go stay in their grandparents' or their auntie's place or playing with cousin, and it's a feeling that I'm sad they are missing. It's just like that community family things. 5:50 But, well, they have lots of things different here that we don't have at home. [chuckles] So it's, it's a trade-off that I decided for them, unfortunately. [chuckles] Hopefully they accept that one day. 6:05 But yeah.But this is a trade-off. I, I wish I could bring all my family here. [sighs] You know, just do you ever-- how do you ever manage that trade-off? So do you just... 6:14 [lip smack] Like, yes, I know there's the, there's the fact that we wish we could bring family down here, but, like, we, we can't really do that as much as we want to. I mean, some of them will come, some won't come. 6:25 But, like, how do you balance that out? Like, 'cause I, I deal with that too as a parent who's living in Canada with two kids who don't-- who can't see their grandparents all the time, like when we were back in Nigeria. 6:36 Yeah. Um, so, well, luckily for us, like, [chuckles] like online connection is a lot nowadays. [chuckles] Like, that helps a lot. I, I think we... I talk with my parents and my in-laws 6:51 almost like once every two days or so, so the kids know them. Like they, they, like they've seen them obviously, like they came visit, but the kids know them because they talk a lot. 7:03 And, um, I, I speak my own language at home and insist on doing that. I don't force it on the kids because, like, it's usually backfire, but I see like they try. [chuckles] I, I read them in my own language. 7:18 I try to show them... They're really young, so like I try to show the culture, make sure every cultural thing, New Year, like, I don't know, like any ceremonies we have, I make sure we have them. 7:32 [lip smack] Like Nowruz, the Yalda Night, and things like that, so they feel it, they connect it. In terms of family, like the feeling of gathering, I, I feel I got lucky. 7:43 I have lots of very close friend that since I was student here, like for 10 years now, like, uh, we've been together and then like they have kids, they have family now, so and then we hang out with them, so it's like kind of second family like, [chuckles] like for us. 8:01 That like feeling like aunties, aunts, like uncles, cousins, like that give that feeling. But yeah, grandparents are the hardest. [chuckles] Yes, grandparents are entirely different thing. Yeah. 8:16 [chuckles] I mean, the, the, the love they come with is just, it's irreplaceable and, you know, and, um, 8:23 y-you, you just keep trying to find how you can bring it back or bring it here with them, but it's just so different. 8:29 Like, 'cause like I think back in Nigeria where like, where like you're in Iran too, we grew up in really big communities. Like everyone is like, you know everyone, you have people you can talk to, you know? 8:40 Um, but, mm, it's, it's just different. Now let's kind of go back to when you first came to Canada. Let's talk about the first night. How did that first night feel? [sighs] Well, um, [chuckles] 8:54 like it's so surreal, right? So I try, like I came as a student, so I tried so hard, like I studied hard. I applied for so many different location I wanted to. 9:06 So when I was like, it was some sort of, oh, like I'm here finally, [chuckles] like I, I, I'm starting this new step of my life. And then in the same time it's like, oh, I'm here. 9:18 Like I don't have my parents with me anymore. [chuckles] Like I live with my parents all my life before I move. So I don't have, like I, I have to think about every single part of my life, including money management now. 9:31 [chuckles] So it was... I don't think I slept, [chuckles] right? I don't... Like I was in friend's house like most of us when come the first night on, and then I think I was just like thinking about everything. 9:45 What should I do next? Like what should I, [chuckles] like where should I shop? What should I like, like what bank? 9:53 What's like I have to do lots of like university sign off, and then like social insurance number and things like that. So like I barely even slept. 10:01 But like it's just like combination of excitement and like fear of future, I would say. You know that feeling that everything is good, but everything's bad in the same time? I, I felt like that all night. 10:16 [chuckles] Yeah. I think that's, that's one thing a lot of immigrants 10:21 face is a feeling that y- I mean, you, you, you put it, you put it so well, like that feeling that, oh, everything's really good, looking good, but at the same time everything looks bad. 10:35 [both laughing] Like it's, it's like I've not s-seen someone put this thing really the way you put it, because I, I struggled with it too. 10:42 S-sometimes you're like, "Yeah, things are good, but I don't feel, I don't feel like I..." 10:47 [chuckles] Like just like there's some existential problem in front that you haven't yet experienced yet, and you're waiting for it to come and meet you. 10:54 [lip smack] And so then how was it, you know, going, seeing all the things you mentioned, like, oh, you know, the fact that you were just gonna live on your own, the fact that you had to m-manage money by yourself. 11:05 It was your first time living outside. How was it settling in t- in as a student? Like what was it like? How did you deal with all the different things that come with new life, new country? I was young. 11:18 Like I was like 20-something, not, not lots of worry in my, like, life. The other thing is I get the comm- seeing a community of international students that we are like support group. 11:30 Like you, you should find some support group. Like doesn't matter like as a student or as any group you come, you should have a support group, otherwise you cannot survive alone. [chuckles] Like let's... 11:41 And then like I find a support group, like inter- like group of international students, either like been here for 11:49 few years or new like me, and we start bonding over like our new entrance in the company and sharing tips like which bank helps you, like which bank gives you better [chuckles] offer, like which cellphone. 12:03 Like I remember 12:05 the f- the first cellphone I bought, like I paid so much money for it because I didn't know like I have to negotiate or like look at the-And then like I, like I went talk to my friends, say, and they pay half of my price. 12:18 I was like, "How did they [laughs]?" [laughs] But like the biggest thing for me, like I always say, like you don't, you never feel you're immigrant until you go to the supermarket and [laughs] 12:32 look at all the like milk brands or yogurt brands, something very normal [laughs] and you have no idea what you should buy. Like in back home you go and just grab, like you don't even think. 12:46 [laughs] But here, like I remember I was in supermarket and I called my friend like, "Hey, [laughs] what, like what do you buy? Which one?" 12:56 [laughs] Like, "What is closer to the one like ba- we had back home or which one is more..." Like what, what is it? [laughs] Like there are a million types of milk. [laughs] Like I never felt like I'm immigrant. 13:09 Like the first time like truly hit me, it was like in front of dairy section in a supermarket. [laughs] Then I was like, "Wow," like, "What should I buy?" [laughs] And I feel everybody has that feeling, right? 13:24 [laughs] Yeah. [laughs] I feel like the first time I walked into the... I think it was the Walmart. Yeah. I walked into the Walmart. I wanted to buy... 13:32 So we just came, we c- I landed in the middle of winter, and so I had a, I got a cold. Like my body... I think, I feel like my body went into shock instantly 'cause it just didn't understand. 13:42 I flew from a tropical country where the weather was 28 degrees centigrade or twen- it was actually 30 when we left, and I landed in Canada and it was -12 that night. And so my friend says, "Let's go buy..." 13:54 'Cause I started coughing. He said, "Let's go buy cough syrup." And I walk into the pharmacy section in Walmart and I'm like, "Where is the cough syrup?" It's like all of this. I'm like, "Wait, wait. Where is Ben? 14:09 Just give me Benylin. I want Benylin." [laughs] Yeah. [laughs] Thankfully, they had Benylin. I was like, "I, I don't, I don't... I, I just, just give me Beny- give me, just take me... 14:17 I'll take any Benylin I see and go home." I picked the first Benylin bottle I saw and went home. But it was the wrong one. It wasn't gonna do anything for me, but that's how confused I was. 14:26 [laughs] 'Cause I was like, "You know what? Just pick the first one and get the hell out of here." [laughs] Yeah. 14:30 That overwhelming feeling that you enter a supermarket and you have no idea, and it's such a normal thing in your, in your day-to-day life, yeah? Yeah. 14:39 And that's why it's so overwhelming because like it's just such a normal thing. You never think, and then you go inside the, a supermarket and say, "What is it?" Like [laughs] it's- [laughs] Yeah. Like, like that is... 14:54 Are there any other... Just staying on that topic, are there any other things that overwhelmed you like that, aside from just the supermarket? 'Cause I feel like there are a lot of instances that really hit us that hard. 15:03 We just don't think about them. Yeah, exactly. Like I feel, 15:06 I feel like the things are actually very normal, like in your life you never think, and they're like you have to learn everything, like how to take a taxi, how to take [laughs]... 15:16 Like every, every day that I think you would learn from your family or by observing, like spending 25, 30 years in your own home country, and you arrive and you're like, "Okay, what is this?" 15:29 [laughs] Like, "How do I find like, like, I don't know, taxi?" Like things like that. And then at that point it wasn't like, 15:39 uh, I know I'm going to feel, sound old, but like cell phones are like [laughs] it wasn't so common. It was common, but it wasn't like, like we were in 3G. It wasn't so like common. 15:52 It's, it's becoming like more and more like daily stuff. So it's like, it wasn't like, "Oh, I have to search," or like people... Like social media was not that much common on your hand, I would say. So it was... 16:08 Yeah, those like... Now I feel like people hear about different country way more or get more time to spend, like see daily life using like Instagram, stuff like that. 16:19 That time it wasn't that common to you see daily life in Canada, how it looks like. [laughs] You go in like blindly and try to figure out how for yourself. At least you had internet. 16:32 I'm sure like 10 years before me, like in 2000-ish when people come in, it was much, much harder. [laughs] It's like different situation. Yeah, like, um, 16:43 I would say that, um, like when you travel in new country, there are a few things you experience, like how to navigate in the city, how to... 16:53 And I had the experience of those, like find a good restaurant, navigating the city, like find a [laughs] like... 16:59 That's why supermarket was such a big deal for myself because like usually when you go travel, you barely go to supermarket like shopping, right? [laughs] So I never had that experience like for daily life like shopping. 17:13 That's why I think it was so big like, and like I, like it's, it become one of my core memory. Like the feeling I stand in front of [laughs] like dairy milk section. I was like, "What is this?" 17:25 [laughs] Y- you know, you know, you, you touch on something really, really, really important when you talk about how much the world has changed, 'cause I just think about myself. I moved to Canada 17:36 tech- almost three years ago, but then there was Google Maps, so I didn't have to bother about finding my way around. I just put it in the map and I find my way around. I'm just ima- I'm just gonna go... 17:48 I'm gonna go back to your, your, when you moved. W- did we have, did you have maps then? We had, we had. It's not... 17:57 It was starting, like I remember 2010, '11, like at least like for somebody from Iran, like I'm not saying... It was starting to like... 18:08 People like, people were cool like looking at it, tech- techy, more techy people using that. Like it was, it was a start of like becoming everyday thing. 18:17 It wasn't still like-Like, as you said, like, you just never think at this point. [chuckles] You're like, you just go to Google. I had to think, "Oh, like I can use Google." [chuckles] You know? Like 18:29 it's-- I think it was at that area, like, again, it was 3G, like never, people never forget, like we did [chuckles] slow, very slow. Yeah. 18:39 Like, well, at that time it was the fastest thing ever, but now like we use 5G, [chuckles] like LT. So it was like the phones were slower as well. But yeah, like I think, um, 18:53 it was like more than anything the technology was there, it was not part of, at least my day-to-day, I'm going to use it. 19:02 It become like maybe, maybe when I joined Canada 2012, 2013, become like part of my every day, I would say. Before that it wasn't like that. Okay. 19:16 Y- uh, s- um, I know we've talked a bit about this in a way somehow, but what was your biggest cultural shock once you moved? Besides the milk, [chuckles] the number of- Yeah, beside, that's like beside the milk one. 19:28 That's why I said we talked about it a bit. [chuckles] Um, it was something that I still like, like struggle, like up to like maybe two years ago or so. Um, 19:40 when you return something, it's so like here, like it's so acceptable, you can return. [laughs] Like, like back home we don't return when we shop, right? [chuckles] And it's... 19:56 The first, like I, I told you about the phone plan that was so awful. Like I wanted to go and negotiate and like change it, and the amount of like, "Oh sh- can I do that? Can I do it?" Like, "Is it okay? 20:09 Do they accept that?" [laughs] It's just like, I remember just like ar- like constantly think about it and I was like, "Okay, I'm going. Whatever." 20:18 Like my friends who have spent, like, who've been here for a few years says, "It's okay," like, "I'm going, [chuckles] I'm going to do that." I like-- And it continued. 20:26 Like the first time I'm going to return something that I wore and I felt, "Oh, it's not good," and like I, I think I removed the mark and I was like so stressed go to cash it and say like, [chuckles] "I'm returning this." 20:39 [laughs] And it's like I do it, like I return, I exchange now more often, but every time, I think maybe up to three years ago or f- four years ago, I would feel the same like, "Can I do that?" 20:52 Like, or they are going to say no, like do you think? [chuckles] Like, like it's one, like it's just one stupid example of how the culture of [clears throat] communicating is different. 21:06 Like when you communicate with people, like, like, 21:13 yeah, like the way the message comes is like, it's like really different and it's, for me, it's very shocking, like to see, especially when you're a customer, it's so, um, like the, it's a customer-centric country. 21:27 Like they try to help you any way they can. Um, [chuckles] but like returning is, was one of my big things to see. [chuckles] Yeah. 21:37 I, I think I, I think also, I mean, I'm, I've not, I'm not, I've not stayed here as long as you have, but yeah, like that, that return thing does hit you like, like, "Oh shit, you can return anything." Like- [chuckles] 21:48 ... you can return anything. It's true. [chuckles] Costco. They said like, "So you can do that." [chuckles] Like I still remember one really interesting story where I think we just, two weeks or um, 22:01 two months, like about two months in, um, I went to Costco to buy stuff and I bought, I bought um, they had this roasted chicken, stuffed full chicken. Mm-hmm. So I bought it, and then while I was, while I was-- 22:18 I had left the store and I somehow forgot when I was moving everything into the trunk of the car, I forgot to put the chicken in the trunk of the car. [chuckles] Oh. And so I pushed the cart in and I drove home. 22:32 [chuckles] This happened in the morning. When I get home, my wife is like, "Where is the chicken that is in the list?" I'm like, "I bought the chicken. I put it in the ca- I put it in the cart. 22:40 I don't remember putting it in the car." And then I finally recall that, yeah, maybe I should go back. Maybe I forgot it in the car park. 22:49 So I drive down to Costco, like 5:30 in the evening, and I say, "Hey, I bought stuff here. I left, think I left it in the car. Did anyone see it?" They're like, "Oh yeah, we did. But you know what? 23:01 We're gonna give you a new one." I'm like, "Huh?" What? [laughs] Yeah. I'm like, "W- why are you gonna give me a new one?" They're like, "No, no, no, it's not..." I'm like, "Okay. [chuckles] That's interesting." 23:12 [laughs] Exactly, right? [laughs] It's like you could get that off like- Yeah... back home, never mind. [laughs] Yeah. I, yeah, like I, if it was, it was back home, I would forget about it. 23:21 I'd just be like, "Oh yeah, that's, it's gone." Like just forget it. Yeah. I'm just like, "You know what? Let's just drive and ask them." And we get there, and they're like, "Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no. 23:28 Just that you can't, you can't take-" I'm like, yeah, countries are so different and cultures are so different. Yeah. I think that's just a lot of those small, small things just kind of hit you. 23:38 Now let's talk about parenting. [chuckles] First off, like how do you-- what's your biggest challenge with parenting here versus if you are back home in Iran? [chuckles] Not having grandparents around. 23:55 [laughs] That's the biggest challenge. Yeah. That support is key. Yeah. It is. Like they say there's a vil- it needs a village to raise a kid. Yeah. And it does. Yeah. Right? Like, 24:08 um, yeah, like I have a like I, I got, I, I feel myself, I'm a lucky person. I have lots of friends, like we started from university together and like we are together 10 years or so, and they support me a lot. 24:22 Like my-Especially for my first kid, like, uh, he was born a month early. Oh, okay. And then, like, um, because I was, like, naive [chuckles] I would say at that point, I never, like... 24:38 I didn't prepare very in adv- well, I was thinking two weeks in advance, three weeks in advance. I wasn't ready one month in advance. 24:47 And then when I went to hospital, because I had to, and my husband and I was in hospital, we were stressed. My parents were not here yet because, like, nobody was expecting that early. 24:58 And then, like, all my friends, I remember I called them, "Hey, baby's coming, and I don't have clothes. I don't have..." [laughs] And then, like, at that point, we were moving in a new house as well. 25:11 Like, we, we got a new place, and we were moving there, so everything was packed. So I cannot go tell them, "Hey, by the way, go home, pick up this." [laughs] That was out of option. 25:22 So I have to call my friends, "Go buy for someone." [laughs] Like, I got some support. Like, I'm, like, I'm forever thankful for my friends. They come, they cook for us, they, like, clean the house for us. They help. 25:38 But, um, the fact that my parents or, like, my in-laws are not here and that, like, I can leave them, leave the kids with them at night and go somewhere else, [chuckles] like that, that trust, that knowing that, okay, my mom... 25:55 My friends do that willingly, but I don't want to tire them, you know? But my mom, like, lovingly, willingly does that [laughs] and, like, wants to do that as well. That feeling, it's, it's missing. 26:08 Like, whenever they come here, especially when they stay, like, visiting us and they're here, I was like, "Oh, thank God." Like, "You take it." 6:00 AM, they wake up. "Here you are." Like, "I'm leaving." 26:18 [laughs] I'm back to bed. [laughs] Like... Yeah, like, joke aside, that support is very important, and I never feel it, like, until I have a kid, 26:30 that how, how important that having grandparents and sisters or somebody you trust so much and know, like, they don't get tired or [chuckles] like, things like that. 26:44 They do everything for you, and kids are really important. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And second thing is culture. Man, like, [chuckles] like growing bilingual kids, keeping... 26:56 telling them the, how the culture is from distance, like showing the best part of the cul- trying to keep the best part of the culture. Like, show them, get them excited. Like, Christmas here is so exciting, right? 27:09 We never celebrate Christmas back home. We have Nowruz, and I have to keep Nowruz that excited, like, at home, [chuckles] like, whereas Christmas is everywhere. [laughs] Like, like that, 27:26 that's, that's challenging, and I see by the kids, like, growing up and understand more, that is more and more going to be challenging to pass that information, that culture, that feeling. 27:38 Something you mentioned I really wanted to talk about. How did you, how do you balance between... And I, I'm asking for myself, too. How do you balance between keeping, uh, keeping the good parts of the culture 27:52 with keeping with-- and keeping out the other parts of your culture that are not exactly great? It's almost like...'cause your child is... I feel like our kids are in the mix, are in the middle. 28:01 They are Canadians, and they're from another country. So it's almost like you wanna take-- You're mixing, you're fusing two cultures together. So how do you do that? Like, how, how are you able to do that? 28:10 [chuckles] So the fun part is because we are not... Like, usually the part that any of the culture is not around, it comes from the, like, your... That not get... It comes from the community, right? 28:24 It's come from, like... Because we don't have that community, that, that many people around ourselves, so we can control, like, what type of information, at least now. 28:33 Like, again, like my kids are, like, four and one, they're very, very young. The one, one, like, it's nothing. Like, the four has started realizing the difference, like, in language, in culture and stuff. So, like, 28:45 it's me and my husband, like, we decide what we want to teach them, [chuckles] like what we want to pass the information, show them, and we try to pass the curated information. 28:56 At some point in life, yeah, they have to learn about, like, other side of the culture as well, but, like, they're, they're young. They're, they're good to know. 29:04 Like, [laughs] until they read the news, they know everything. [laughs] Yeah. I can keep that from them for- Mm-hmm... when they are reading news. And then when the news comes and they realize, I tell them why. 29:18 That's why. Like, I, I still love my country because of this, but I moved because of these things you see in news. I... But yeah- Yeah... like, it's, it is hard. Like, you have kids. It is, it is not an easy job. Yeah. 29:33 It's easy to grow two, two Canadians, but- [laughs]... like, for me, like, they are Iranian-Canadian. They have to know their culture as well- Mm-hmm... 29:42 because there are so many beautiful things exist in that culture- Yep... and I want to, for them to understand that part of that beauty. They have that beauty in their lives, to be honest. Mm-hmm. 29:55 That's, that's very important. I, I totally agree. It's, it's-- People often just usually just throw... There's, there's a... I think it's a Nigerian proverb, something about throwing the baby out with the bath water. 30:06 I mean, I heard it back home in Nigeria. So it just simply says that we, we can hate something, but we just always something good about something. And so you don't just throw everything away. 30:15 Like, there are parts that you, you wanna keep within the family. You know, and s- now that we are talking a bit about fusing cultures, like-Have you ever regretted being here? Like, 30:32 or have you ever said, "You know what? I'm tired of trying to be Canadian and Iran- Iran- Iranian at the same time." Have you ever regretted just being, doing this, moving? Um, 30:48 not, not regret, regret, but there were a few times I was very sad I'm not in Iran. Like, um [laughs] once, uh, like it's all back to family again. Like, when my cousin got married, like, he was in the same age as me. 31:03 He's in the same age as me. We grew up together, like we were best friend, like... And then his wedding day, it was hard for me. It was really, really hard not being there for his big day. 31:14 Like, and I think there was something happened that I couldn't travel, so that, that was very hard for me. I was like, "I'm missing." And then I think it's, like, one of the hardest day in my life 31:32 was when my grandma passed away. Mm. I was student, it was in middle of the exams, like I couldn't go back, and I didn't have anything. Like, I just, like, it was me in a room alone 31:51 and have nobody. Like my f- like, by the time my friends come, like, like reach out to me. 31:58 But those two, those, those days, like I had, again, like sad days and stuff, but those two are like very first, like, the very happy things in my family and very sad things in my family happen, 32:10 and I was like, [laughs] "I have to be home. Like, I have to be next to my mom. I have to be next to my dad." Um, yeah, those two are, I think, the biggest one. 32:21 Then, like, after that anything happen, like when my aunt passed, I have a, I have experience how to deal with it, how to learn. But the first time it happened, man, it sucks. [laughs] It really- I can imagine. Yeah. 32:37 Besides that, no, like, I'm, like, I love Canada. Like I, I came with my... 32:43 [lips smack] We didn't come in the same time, but I b- my boyfriend at the time and my husband now, so we decided together we want to go and we build our life together like there. So, um, 32:56 yeah, like overall, overall it's positive. I never think I will, like I should, I have to go back. I see my kids here, my life, like I could build here versus what I could done in home. 33:11 I think overall positive, but yet there are days that you feel, "I have to be home right now." [laughs] Like now it's easier. Now I'm working. I'm not a student. I can just jump on the plane. Like I might... 33:24 It's expensive, but if something happen, I'm forced to jump on the plane and go. Right? But when, when you're a student, when you don't have money, [laughs] like that's like, that would make it really, really hard. 33:36 Or like when you have exam, you cannot go, right? You sit there [laughs] and like this is, this is being immigrant means. Like... Yeah. I get you. Let's not, let's not get too emotional. Yeah. 33:52 [laughs] Let's not get too emotional. I think I just have one last question for you- Yeah... which is, um, if you were to go back in time, like what's the one thing you would do differently? 34:02 Go back in time with your move. Hmm. Like, to be easier for immigration, or? Yeah, just, I mean, and just, I w- y- it's your, your call. 34:16 Like, what's the one thing you would do differently with this, your immigration journey? I'll take it easier on myself. [laughs] How? I would say, like I, like I underst- like 34:31 I tell myself, "This is, everybody goes through that. This is new country. You should not feel, oh, you're local or you have to know everything, and like anytime you don't know anything, like you have to study hard." 34:43 Like, this is how it is. [laughs] I, I would take it easier to myself on adopting a new culture, on learning new things here, because it's hard. It's like... And now I see everybody go through the same thing. 34:59 Like, everybody gets culture shock. Everybody is like, it's hard for everyone, and I have to accept this is a path I have to take rather than trying harder and harder, um, to like, to feel here is home. 35:15 Like, it's, it comes with experience rather than like in one night or two night or a year. Like, I tell myself- That's really good advice. Yeah. Give it time. 35:27 Blink it and you will, like you feel, oh, here is home rather than back home, right? [laughs] It become muscle memory. [laughs] That's really good advice. 35:38 Well, thank you so much for joining me, Sahara, and thank you for being so honest and transparent with e- everything you've gone through so far. [laughs] Yeah. Thanks. And next time- Thanks for having me. Awesome. 35:49 Awesome. Thank you so much for listening to this episode. Please, as usual, 35:54 like if you can, share, um, you know, share with friends who are immigrants or anyone who's looking to understand immigrants, and please subscribe on Substack so that you know when we release a new episode. Peace out. 36:08 [outro music]
