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I didn't get the idea of small talk when I first came to Canada. In India, where I'm from, it’s not something we do. We don't smile at strangers on the street or ask people we barely know about their weekend. When you see someone you don't have a direct relationship with, you nod; you're polite, but you don't chat. Small talk would feel intrusive, unnecessary, maybe even suspicious. What do you want from me? That was often the underlying question.

When I arrived in Canada, I noticed that people talked to one another. For example, a customer at the supermarket might talk about the weather, a colleague might ask you about your family, and a stranger in the elevator might comment on your bag. At first, I found this rather odd—didn't those people have other things to do? Why on earth should they take the time to have conversations about things that were not real?

Small talk consists of discussing ordinary subjects such as the weather, how your weekend was, what books you're currently reading, or something amusing that happened at work. It doesn't aim to be profound and is not concerned with solving problems or making important decisions. At first glance, it appears to be without purpose.

What I've discovered through both my research and personal experience is that small talk has deep origins. It has been shown that even in the wild, animals employ informal communication to maintain their relationships. This kind of communication isn't about exchanging information; rather, it's a way of saying, "I see you, I trust you, we are connected." 

Humans have also been engaging in this behaviour for thousands of years; when somebody makes a comment about the weather, they aren’t interested in the subject of meteorology, but are instead attempting to say, "Shall we talk? Is it safe to be near you?"

Canadian small talk provides the basis for people to decide whether they want to have a more in-depth conversation.

Canadians begin by placing trust in someone. In most other cultures, the procedure is the reverse—you have to earn someone's trust gradually. Here, people take it for granted that you are trustworthy unless proven otherwise. The reason for this initial trust is a sense of comfort. When is it easy for me to be around this person? Will the encounter go off without a hitch? That question is answered through casual conversation.

It's important for people who are just getting started to realize that when someone talks about the weather, they are not avoiding a real conversation; rather, they are checking whether it is safe to start one. The tone, the ease shown, and the absence of pressure in these little moments reveal something significant about yourself.

I have been carrying out workshops for new professionals for the past two years. The individuals who take part in those workshops are intelligent; they hold postgraduate degrees, have established careers and have moved to other countries. A number of them told me they "hate small talk because it seems fake and they don't want to carry on with it."

But what I observed is that it's not a question of their being unable to do it; rather, they don't consider it important. They see it as a waste of time. That belief is, in fact, the true obstacle.

If you consider small talk to be useless, then you avoid it. When attending a networking event, you locate someone in your field and immediately tell them what you do. You think you are being efficient and not wasting time on chat. However, what you are doing bypasses the stage of building trust; the person you are speaking to has not yet decided whether they like you or are willing to help you.

What the research reveals is that people tend to underestimate how pleasant casual conversations are and, at the same time, overestimate how awkward they will find them. So, everyone predicts that small talk will be uncomfortable, yet when they carry it out, they end up feeling... quite all right. On some occasions, they feel a sense of connection, and on other occasions, they feel lighter afterwards.

The change occurs when you cease viewing small talk as a duty and begin seeing it as something you choose to engage in.

Research on small talk indicates that such casual conversations build rapport, make people feel less threatened, and help break down barriers. 

In the context of job interviews, a little small talk changes how candidates are perceived. In the workplace, casual discussion helps to keep teams running smoothly. Even in online meetings, if people chat a bit at the beginning, they can collaborate better.

But the thing that matters most to people who are new to a situation is that small talk is useful in both professional and personal settings. It helps at networking events and job interviews, and it's how friendships begin and how you establish a community.

Researchers discovered that it takes approximately 50 hours of interaction before people regard you as a casual friend, a great deal of which consists of small talk, and no one becomes your friend without first having had a dozen small conversations about unimportant things.

Get it right, and I would argue that you accelerate your sense of belonging in Canada.

People ask me, "But what are we to talk about?" Well, here’s how I approach it…

What must you steer clear of? Any topic that is controversial—for example, politics, money, health, or personal difficulties. Keep the subject matter light and avoid asking questions that suggest you are outside the group. If you ask a scuba diver, for instance, "Aren't you frightened about diving with so many sharks?" you make it obvious that you don't appreciate why they enjoy it. Rather, ask out of genuine curiosity, such as "What's the deepest place you've gone?"

Also, stay clear of gossip. Although it creates a feeling of closeness in the moment, it has a damaging effect in the long run, as people end up wondering what you say about them when they are not around.

In the end, small talk is all about building trust. And that is one thing we newcomers need as we settle into our new home, workplace, and community.

The fact is that when you have a conversation about trivial matters, you are sending out an important message—I see you as a person rather than merely as a function; I’m willing to take the time to get to know you; I’m not in a hurry or defensive. 

That perception is important as it changes how most people treat you and what they’re willing to do for you. In Canada, and particularly in Calgary, people really do want to offer help because they have a sense of loyalty, but only after they've felt at ease first, and it's light conversation that helps create that.

Since small talk is not a part of my culture, I had to deliberately decide to act differently. Initially, it seemed rather forced, and I felt as though I was performing, but I still attended the events, continued to ask people questions about themselves and kept on practicing how to be at ease in casual conversation.

Over time, it stopped feeling like a performance. It just felt like talking to people.

I have come to realize that a conversation which begins with a minor topic can eventually lead to something more significant. Each person you talk to at an event, each colleague you ask about their weekend, and every stranger with whom you have a few conversations at the coffee shop has the potential to become a connection. They might end up being your friend; they might think of you when an opportunity arises; or they might introduce you to somebody else.

You won't know unless you try, especially because the problem isn’t about whether you are skilled at it or not. Almost all humans are skilled at having conversations. However, you have to believe that these instances of connection are worth taking the time to engage in. You must believe that Canadians are truly interested in you as a person.

So just begin talking about any subject you like. For me, my favourite is the weather.