Please forward this to ONE Canadian immigrant today and tell them to subscribe here.
A few months ago, a newcomer family came to me for a counselling session. They had been in Canada for about six months. Like many newcomer parents, they had come with hope, courage, and the dream of giving their child a better future. But now they were worried.
Back home, their child had been confident. He was academically strong, had friends, took part in activities, and spoke openly. He was the kind of child who could walk into a room and express himself. But after coming to Canada, something changed.
He became quiet, stopped opening up the way he used to, and his confidence dropped. His academics also started dropping, plus he didn’t have friends at school. Even at home, he was not talking to his parents as much as before. Naturally, his parents were confused and concerned.
Later, when I sat with the child separately and gave him a safe space to speak, the real story came tumbling out. He told me he was struggling to understand the accent in school. Not because he didn’t know English, he knew the language. But understanding English in a new country, in a new classroom, with a new accent, new speed, new expressions, and new social language is a completely different experience for a child.
He also shared that he didn’t understand the school culture yet including how to approach other children. So he found it difficult to make friends because the way children talked and interacted here felt different. And then he said something even deeper. He felt lonely.
His parents were working long hours, trying to build a stable life in a new country. Like many immigrant parents, they were doing everything they could to provide. But in the middle of survival, work, bills, settlement, and responsibilities, the child was spending a lot of time alone with emotions he didn’t know how to explain. At school, he didn’t feel connected. So slowly, the confident child his parents knew began to disappear behind silence.
Many newcomer children get misunderstood at this point. We see the academic struggles and assume the child is falling behind. But for newcomer kids like that boy, what often looks like an academic problem is usually about everything happening around it.
There’s loneliness, culture shock, accent adjustment, and a loss of friendship. For a child trying to understand a completely new world without the words to explain what was happening inside him, this experience can be emotionally overwhelming.
Before we label a newcomer child as behind, shy, distracted, difficult, aggressive, rude, slow, or unmotivated, we must first ask: what is this child carrying that we have not yet understood?
A new country is not just a new school
When a child enters Canada as a newcomer, they aren’t simply changing schools. They’re entering a new world. Which also means they have to learn a new classroom system, adjust to a new accent in most instances, and try to understand new rules. They watch how other children speak, joke, respond, and make friends while trying to figure out what is considered respectful, funny, normal, confident, or "too much."
They may be missing grandparents, cousins, friends, familiar streets, familiar food, familiar festivals, and familiar ways of being loved. The child's whole emotional ground has shifted.
One of the biggest mistakes adults can make is to assume that what we see is the full story. A teacher may see a child not participating and think, "This child is shy." A parent may see lower marks and think, "My child is becoming weak in studies." A school may see behaviour and think, "This child has a problem."
But the child may be thinking: "What if people laugh at how I speak? What if I misunderstand the teacher? What if I ask to join and they say no? What if my parents get upset if I tell them I am struggling? What if something is wrong with me?"
Communication matters here more than most parents realize. Many children do not open up simply because we ask, "How was your day?" They may not say, "I was laughed at today." They may not say, "I do not know how to make friends." They may simply say, "School was fine."
But fine does not mean fine. Fine could mean: I don't know how to say it. I don't want you to worry. I am scared you will get angry. I am embarrassed. I don't think you will understand.
Emotional safety has to be built into the academic support newcomer children get, not added on after. Because a child who does not feel safe, seen, or understood will struggle to learn with confidence.
Because sometimes, one painful moment can stay with a child for years
I once worked with a newcomer girl who had come to Canada from Zimbabwe in Grade 4. On her very first day of school, she was bullied because of the way she spoke. She did not have the tools to process it. She did not know how to not take it personally, how to come home and explain it clearly, how to protect her confidence, or how to separate one child's comment from her own identity.
Years later, when she was in my class, I noticed she was uncomfortable with public speaking. When I sat with her and gave her space to open up, she shared that the first-day bullying experience had stayed with her. One moment, one comment, and it sat inside her for years.
What adults often miss is that children may move on physically, but emotionally they may still be carrying moments that shaped how they see themselves. That is why learning communication, confidence, and resilience-building skills aren’t optional survival tools.
Parents can’t be with their children every minute and teachers may not always notice everything. Schools also may not always understand the full story immediately. So children need tools. Such as to know how to speak up, how to name what they feel, how to ask for help, why one painful comment doesn’t define them, and how to rebuild themselves after hard moments.
And parents need tools too. Because when parents understand what to look for, what to ask, and how to respond, they can become a strong bridge between the child and the school.
Tool #1: How to help your kids rebuild their confidence at home
The home must be the first place where a newcomer child feels emotionally safe. This does not mean parents have to be perfect. Immigrant parents are carrying so much already. They are working, settling, managing finances, learning systems, building connections, and often starting from scratch. But in those first months and years, your child needs your time, your patience, and your emotional presence more than ever.
Here are some simple ways to begin.
Ask reflective questions: Instead of only asking, "How was your day?" ask two specific questions every day. Start with, "What was one thing today that made you feel happy, proud, or comfortable?" And then ask, "What was one thing today that made you feel sad, uncomfortable, confused, or left out?" These questions open a door for building emotional safety. They tell your child that they don’t have to only bring you good news. They can also bring you the confusing and sad parts of their day because you won’t judge them. That is how you build trust and emotional safety.
Let your child speak without correcting every sentence: When children are already feeling unsure about their voice, constantly correcting them can make the child shut down even more. This does not mean you never help them improve. It means you first let them speak freely. Let them finish their thought. Let them tell the story. Let them feel that their voice matters more than perfect English. Correction can come later but connection must come first.
Celebrate effort, not only results: Do not only praise marks, grades, or perfect performance. Praise the effort. Doing so builds your child’s’ self esteem and confidence. Try saying:
I am proud of you for asking one question in class.
I am proud that you sat with a new student.
I noticed you tried to explain your day today. That matters.
Practise simple classroom phrases:Many children do not speak up because they don’t know what to say. Practising simple classroom phrases at home can give your child the confidence to handle real classroom situations:
Can you please repeat that?
I don’t understand. Can you explain again?
Can I join your group?
Can I sit with you?
I need help with this.
Can you speak a little slower, please?
Build belonging outside school too: Do not leave belonging only to the classroom. Take your child to libraries, museums, community events, parks, cultural programs, sports, reading clubs, or youth groups. Read stories about Canada. Talk about your own culture too. Help your child feel that they don’t have to erase where they came from in order to belong here. A confident newcomer child doesn’t need to choose between two identities. They can carry both. Eventually, your child needs to feel like there’s a place for them in Canada.
Remind your child that adjustment isn’t a failure: Say this clearly to your child:
You are not behind. You are adjusting.
You are learning many things at once.
You are brave to start again.
It is okay if it takes time.
We will figure it out together.
Children need to hear this again and again. A child who feels understood and validated becomes more willing to try. A child who feels judged is more likely to hide.
Tool #2: How you can understand what’s really happening at school
When a teacher says your child is shy, distracted, behind, difficult, aggressive, unmotivated, or not participating, don’t panic but also don’t ignore it. Start by:
Asking for specific examples: Specificity helps you move the conversation from judgement to understanding. General labels do not help, Distracted, does not participate, or struggling are too vague. You can say, “Can you give me specific examples of what you are seeing?” Or ask any or most of the following depending on your context:
When does this happen most often?
Does it happen during reading, writing, group work, recess, transitions, or verbal instructions?
Does my child understand the instructions when they are spoken?
Has anyone checked whether accent, speed of speech, or classroom language may be affecting understanding?
What sort of support has the child gotten so far?
What helps my child open up?
Sharing your child’s story with the school: Teachers may not know who your child was before immigrating. They may not know that your child was a friendly, confident, outspoken, smart, and joyful personality back home. So tell them. That gives the school important context and helps them see your child as a whole person, not just a kid struggling in the classroom.
Documenting patterns calmly: Keep clear notes. Write down what your child says after school, any repeated complaints, changes in confidence, friendship concerns, academic struggles, teacher comments, incidents of exclusion or bullying, and anything that has helped your child improve. This documentation helps you walk into school meetings prepared. It also helps you notice patterns. Maybe your child struggles only during group work or when instructions are only verbal. Maybe they feel fine academically but are socially isolated. Maybe they are not refusing classwork, but are afraid to start because they do not understand the question. Patterns give clarity and helps you advocate better.
What schools can do
Many educators care deeply and are trying their best with limited time, large classrooms, and complex student needs. But newcomer children need more than a classroom placement.
A separate support space for newcomer children would make a huge difference in many schools. A space where children can talk, where they can learn how to make friends, understand school culture, and practise communication. Because children learn better when they feel safe.
A final message for parents
Your child may not always know how to explain what they are feeling. They may not always have the language to tell you what happened or may not want to worry you. But they need your presence, your questions, your patience, and your belief.
So before you panic about their behavioural change, school feedback, or marks, pause. Get inside their world, and find what your child is carrying.
During my counselling sessions and programs at The Learners Pathway, I often see that when children are given emotional safety, connection, leadership skills, communication tools, and the right literacy support, they begin to open up again. Sometimes the child who wouldn’t look into someone's eyes starts sharing. The child who feels lonely begins to make friends. All because they were given the space, connection, and tools that they needed.
When the adults around children validate them, understand what they are carrying, and give them the language and tools to express themselves, they begin to shine again.
