The JJC's Guide to London

You innit. So you might as well read it.

Two years ago, I immigrated to London from Nairobi. Here’s 20 things I’ve achieved and learned in the past 24+ months:

1. I’ve learned how to say INNIT with a London accent.

2. I’ve learned that British people never really say what they mean. If you’ve messed up terribly, they’ll say the situation is less than ideal.

3. It took me a while, but I’ve finally learned to pick up on British sarcasm.

4. The most underrated skill I’ve acquired is understanding various global accents. I still can’t believe I understand Irish and Scottish accents now.

5. Winter lasts ten months. Spring and autumn last one month combined, and summer lasts one month.

   

   What do you do when you get the rare combination of a blue London sky and a hot day in summer? You take pictures.

6. It rains weekly year-round. Don’t carry an umbrella; the wind will blow it away.

7. One of the hardest things for an immigrant in London is to make friends.

8. You’ll miss home everyday of your life, and it won’t get easier over time.

9. London rent prices should be illegal. I pay at least 14X more than in Nairobi.

10. Drunk Brits are my favorite party people. They’re the rowdiest, wildest people I’ve met and know how to have a good time.

11. My first Christmas away from home was strange but I did feel the Christmas cheer. The Christmas markets were beautiful, Christmas parties were fun, and the Christmas lights and decorations all over the city certainly made up for the sunsets at 3.30pm.

    

    My first Christmas in London.

12. Biggest lesson: No one cares about your imposter syndrome. You got the job, act like it and get shit done. You’ve got this!!

13. Your long-distance friendships will be your lifeline, but you must make an effort to maintain them. Otherwise, they’ll fizzle out faster than London summers.

14. Even as a native English speaker, you often run out of English bundles.

15. Walkable cities with reliable and well-connected public transport and with lots of green spaces will dramatically improve your quality of life.

16. When walking in London, walk swiftly and purposefully or get out of the way. While at it, mind the gap.

17. If someone asks “you alright?”, they don’t really care about your well-being. Don’t spill the tea, sis. The only correct answer is “Yeah, you?!”

18. I attended the protests in London in support of my fellow Kenyans back home who were protesting against the proposed punitive taxes introduced by the Finance Bill 2024.

    

    Nuff said.

19. I’ve learned how to end a conversation with a Brit.

    Me: Thanks very much, bye!

    Them: Thank you, talk soon, cheers mate!

    Me: Cheers, take care now, bye!

    Them: See you later, bye!

    Me: Cheers

    Them: Cheers, bye!

    Me: Bye!

20. London is really the most picturesque city in the world.

Regent's Canal, the iconic Brick Lane, and an image gallery of London is incomplete without our red buses.

Welcome to London, mate.